This person is the anti-employee of the month. Despite the company’s countless spirit breaking conspiracies to overwork and destroy the fabric of his existence he remains steadfast, strong and often comes on time when scheduled. Don’t be inspired by his energetic resilience to overcome and stay in the shadows of unknown achievers. This is a company of harmonic transparency, each of us work in a circle of surveillance to be systematically unidentified on multiple levels is unacceptable. If you know the source of his energy or weakness notify management immediately.
You hit the nail on the head with this one! I have a particular disdain for award ceremonies for reasons you mentioned in your tongue-in-cheek story.